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Post by Lady Elwen on Jun 4, 2005 22:21:02 GMT -5
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Elbereth
Ranger
~The light of Il?vatar lives still in her face.~
Posts: 190
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Post by Elbereth on Jun 16, 2005 17:55:46 GMT -5
Hey Shadow ~
Not bad - actually, the ideas you present are really good, but the meter is off (I don't know if that was intentional) and the rhyming pattern is somewhat discombobulated. Not sure how you want to take that. Some mistakes, like "silenced to grave in winter's night", I have no idea why "grave" is there...
Aside from all that, the imagery is really solid, and I'm impressed. Despite the meter, it flows through and you pick out sets of images, rather than just one.
~ Elbereth
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Post by Nurnoviel on Aug 3, 2005 6:03:47 GMT -5
Hey there! Nice work here, Shadow.
I quite enjoyed the constrasts you made between heat and ice throughout the poem, and the content was certainly enough to grab my attention and make me shiver. I think it was a touch too vague and ambiguous, only because I finished it and felt a little cheated. Brilliant imagery and repetition, though. Hope to see more from you soon!
Nurv
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