I saw this somewhere (God help me if I remember where, exactly), and found the results hilarious. The point is to come up with things that you know Tolkien characters would never say - ever. Very funny stuff, no matter how bad people think theirs are.
Maedhros: Hey, leave my hand alone!! Don't you dare cut it off!! I'd rather stay here!!
Galadriel: I really don't get it...
Legolas (to Haldir at the Deep, film version): What in Eru's name are you doing here? We don't need you!
Saruman: Yeah, yeah, I'm coming - let me finish this sonnet first.
Elrond: ...The Ring must be destroyed. One of you must do this. Gandalf: Why does it have to be one of us? Why not you? You were there when Isildur found it - why can't you get up and do something for a change and get rid of the darned thing yourself?
Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me... I wish none of this had happened. Gandalf: Honestly, do you ever shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself? Every time you open your mouth, I swear you sound so unbelievably pathetic.
*~*~*~* Sorceress of Darshiva... The Child of Dark... Servant of the Dark Prophecy... Who am I? Do you know me? Let me tell you... The Belgariad... The Malloreon... The intertwined Prophecies...
Frodo: Just bury that bloody Ring! Who's ever gonna know??
Estel: *sings* Oh I just can't wait to be king! (i.e. prior to Fellowship/War...)
Saruman: Hey Gandalf - wanna take that pala... pil... pie... crystal ball thing for me?
Sauron: Tea, anyone?
Sam: Oh, go throw yourself into Mordor, Frodo.
Eomer: Hey wait... why aren't we selling horses to Mordor?
Haradrim: Hey look - what's going on with the volcano? Looks like Mordor!
Faramir: Give me the blasted Ring!! Power, my preciousssss! (canon-based, not film...)
Gollum: Huh? What Precious?
Shadowfax: Anyone for pony rides??
.*.~.*.~.*.~.*. Lady Elwen Iluvalatari Namarië tenna telwan, meldonya... Nai im almië Iluvatar nar or le... .*.~.*.~.*.~.*. Ava lave endarlya na rucina. Elyë harye vorima mi Eru; harye vorima yando mi nin... Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, at least you'll land somewhere among the stars. .*.~.*.~.*.~.*. .:*:.Polished Quill.:*:.
Post by Mithwen Delbaeth on Dec 22, 2005 17:34:03 GMT -5
Aragorn: Ooo, look at the cute wittle puppy! Legolas, isn't he cute? Ahhh! He's trying to kill me! Help! Help!
Legolas: I missed. *sobs*
Denethor: Faramir, why don't we go to Gondor Fun Land and have some father/son bonding time!
Elrond: The Ring must be destroyed. Gandalf: Actually, I was thinking about making a peace treaty. We can give Sauron the Ring and he will conquer the world, but he will leave us alone and he will rule like the nice king Aragorn would be. Others in the councel of Elrond: *blank stares*
Bealocwealm hafað fréone frecan forth onsended giedd sculon singan gléomenn sorgiende on Meduselde þæt he ma no wære his dryhtne dyrest and mæga deorost. Bealo...
Oh, wow, these are hilarious... Not that I'm much of a comedian, but I can try...
Gimli: Anyone for polo?
Denethor: Faramir... I'm so glad you're here... You're doing a much better job than Boromir would have, and I'd much rather have you take my place as Steward than him...
Aragorn: Eowyn? Come over here... *wink* (I highly doubt he'd ever wink, period, but hey...)
Morgoth: You know, Sauron always was rather too ambitious...
The Weaver works in many ways, not all of them for the good... She binds in Silver and hunts in Black; She works in Sorrow and fights for Joy. She weaves the Dreams and draws Illusions; She heals the Mind and shattered Shells. Her mind is cunning, Her fingers quick, but never may you trust Her, for She works for neither Dark nor Light.