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Post by Lady Elwen on Apr 23, 2005 21:37:21 GMT -5
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Post by TOA Management on Apr 23, 2005 21:40:39 GMT -5
Author's Note: Sorry I had to post it in two parts but the poster thingy said it was too long and I DID NOT want it in two parts.
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Post by Lady Elwen on Apr 23, 2005 22:11:58 GMT -5
*grins* There must be a trend starting - within the last couple submissions, we've had at least two, if not more, of Legolas death stories!!  Aside from that, nice job! Allow me to say that you might want to check your punctuation around quotations, but in general, your style is solid and I like it. You've picked a good topic, too; nice twist to the palantir scene. Nice to know that there's more to that story than we know - that there's some truth to what the palantir may show. Good use of artistic license. It's nice to be able to play with concepts like that... I have to comment on the last lines of "dialogue" between Aragorn and Legolas. I liked the idea of forgiveness, with the blame being cast and brushed away by both of them respectively. Consider "thought tracks" in italics, to clarify that they're not speaking aloud, but other than that, nice job with the "I know I'm dying and I accept it; now you must, as well" kind of aura with Legolas. Nice opening submission to the site!! ;D ~ Elwen |
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Post by legolas on Apr 25, 2005 7:18:37 GMT -5
Awwwww!  Thank you so much! *hugs* ;D |
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Post by Lady Elwen on Apr 25, 2005 16:59:58 GMT -5
*thumbs up* No problem! Compliments given where they're due!! ~ Elwen |
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Post by Nurnoviel on May 3, 2005 4:53:37 GMT -5
Hey there! This was an amazing take on Legolas' death. I loved how you used Aragorn as the main character, and took the time to set up his feelings and thoughts before hand. It was a credible and enjoyable portrayal of him, as well. You have a good grip on the way he speaks and acts, and I especially applause the scene where he withdraws Anduril to show Sauron through the palantir. I have some little tidbits though, which I hope you don't take as extreme nitpicking because I just think they'll help you with future writing. 1. Remember that after a character speaks you need to use a comma instead of a full stop if you're going to use "said" or "replied" afterwards. I think that's what Elwen was getting at in her review. 2. "45 minutes later..." In formal writing, remember that numbers should always be in words. eg Forty-five minutes later... 3. Would Eomer really call his sister obnoxious? I didn't really understand the context you were using this word in. Other than those few suggestions I have to say that I adored the ending. It was simple, elegant and utterly effective. I completely agree with how you've written this; I can't see Legolas and Aragorn getting all emotional about it, but I like to believe they would accept it as they have in this fic. Brilliant. Hopefully I'll see more wonderful stories from you on this site soon! Nurv |
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Post by legolas on May 10, 2005 7:44:00 GMT -5
Aww! Thanks guys! Nurv: I thought obnoxious would be a good describing word for Eowyn because she just flung herself into battle for all she loved. Is that not a good desciption? |
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Thank you so much! *hugs* ;D
